1/31/2017 0 Comments AnorexiaI wanted to do a little extra blog post talking about this, as thoughts about it swirl forth. I was anorexic for 6-7 years when I was a teenage and into my early 20s, and it was a rough time. You don't really think of anorexia as something you survive, not the way of surviving cancer because it is an illness that you are inflicting on yourself, but it is something that people don't always survive. You are literally starving your body and every organ in it, which can and does cause some pretty serious damage. I still feel like some of things wrong with me are because of this time.
So, I should probably explain the why. Why I became anorexic in the first place. After multiple deaths, or near deaths in my family I felt like I had no control and along with that my first love thought I looked prettier the skinnier I got (I was never overweight, he was just anorexic also and because of this you end up with a distorted view of things). In these very uncertain times and with high school slapped into the mix I felt like I need to control something so I controlled my weight or lack there of. I would eat probably about 800 calories a day and walk for miles and I mean miles at least 2 as a minimum because that was distance it took me to walk home from school everyday but normally it was more than that because I would also walk around with friends. Toward the end of it I was fainting so much and blacking out that I became terribly sick. I had to go into the doctors for malnourishment and dehydration at one point because it was so bad. I was so skinny that at 5'7" I was having to wear children's clothing, the pants I had to wear were too big (because if I didn't get teen or adult sizes they weren't long enough) but I could actually fit into shorts for kids more comfortably. I couldn't see past my distorted image of myself for a very long time. It wasn't until I started to go out with my boyfriend that this started to change. My hips would fall out of place all of the time because I lacked the muscle needed to keep them in place (which was so ridiculously painful). I had to crawl up the stairs, and once I started eating food and I actually gained muscle in my legs so fast from just walking up and down the stairs that I ended up with stretch marks (cocoa butter seriously fixed them). All and all this is a pretty important, when I was growing up my perception of what was beautiful was distorted by the media (as it is for everyone), and I want you to know that most of the girls are photoshopped and if they aren't photoshopped they are very unhealthy. I have realized how badly I was abusing my body. The only one that I have and how truly important eating food is (not just any food but healthy food). Please don't ever try to cope with tragic life events the way I did. I can honestly say that being anorexic did not help, it just made my life worse and I was the cause of that. If you are anorexic or have any eating disorders or even if you just don't feel good about yourself please find someone that will help you. It is very important to me that you do because I don't want to see anyone suffer the way I did. It is important to love yourself, and take care of yourself! All I want is for people to be healthy, because being healthy is a great place to be! I am much happier now that I am here, and proud of myself. I am glad that I found someone who helped me through being anorexic and that I was strong enough to overcome it!
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